we were meant to live for so much more.

So many tears. Such anger. So much wasted time. I don’t know what to do anymore. This has happened so many times, am I supposed to be used to these types of things? If not, then I am. If I am, then I guess I am where I’m supposed to be. I expected you to be the potential that I remembered what you were from before, but I guess that potential slipped from your own grasp and you fell. You disappointed me. I made you so different in my mind and my heart, but now you are aligned with the rest of them because of your mistake. We can’t be friends. I don’t want to be just friends. Part of me wants to forget you, and all of you. But I know that I can’t or I just don’t want to. Why did you have to go and do that? You always live through your fears instead of just fighting them. I put so much away with you. I know sometimes I worried, but it was because of stuff like this; in the back of my mind, something told me to run as quick as I can, and I just shoved that bad feeling to the back of my mind. A couple of things foreshadowed this moment, but I didn’t listen to my instincts. You’re so stubborn, but I loved you for that. I loved every part of you with all my heart, and you knew that. I enjoyed every moment with you, but those moments keep being scratched away by the pain. Words can’t explain how much you hurt me, and you will never understand. You waited so long for me and I waited so long for you, and when the time finally came, I took it, but you let it go. Why? If you didn’t want me, you shouldn’t have said yes. You said you loved me, but I guess I couldn’t believe it fully, because I felt like deep down, I knew this would happen. You don’t love me, but I love you. I don’t want you to go, I didn’t want you to go, but I had to let you, or you would never learn. It pains me so much, but i know i deserve much better. I just want to talk to you, but I can’t—it hurts even doing that. I felt as if I have done so much for you, and all that has been taken away and thrown on the ground, only to be stomped on. You've watched me get hurt by other people so much, and it only continued. The funny thing is, is that you told me that you would protect me no matter what, but what do you do when you're the one who's hurting me the most? You have changed so much, and I don’t know if I like it, I don’t like it. The old you would have never treated me like that. I want to hate you, but I can’t. I’m hoping on our future, but I don’t think there is a future for us. I’m tired of hoping with you, and it just goes opposite. So, I’ll remain hopeless. Just don’t feel sorry for me, I’m not the one who should be in that place. I just pray that you learn from your mistakes. But one thing that I do want, is a direct apology, not “I take the blame”, because you should, I did nothing to you. A heart-felt “I’m sorry for…” would do, but I don’t think I’ll ever get it. So, I’m leaving now. This is my good-bye. I wish you well.