A Few Thoughts for the Day

It's amazing how the raindrops hug the window, kissing it passionately before it streams away and evaporates. The world has never seemed so beautiful these days. I love when you can feel the breath of fall lingering on the outskirts of the world, waiting for it's grand entrance of fallen leaves, a slight chill to the air, and a feeling of transition throughout the earth. Time is always the one aspect in my life that I always try to make sense of, but there is no sense to time. There is no matter that time uses discretion with in order to continue or stop ticking. It doesn't care what one goes through, it just keeps going boundlessly throughout some sort of realm that is unknown. We always want to change things about time, but what's the point? So, we can fix our actions, emotions, or thoughts in a certain situation? It doesn't matter. At the end of the day, none of that matters. Everything has a set balance within the world, and we may unintentionally mess up that balance by making a mistake, but the thing that we have to realize is that, that mistake was planned by someone higher than ourselves. It's just the way the world works. Everything is a series of chain reactions, stemming from one single unit of an event. The world is a circle, and everything within it follows that exact pattern. Take a chance to look at a situation in your life or your thought process during a single significant time in your life, did the situation reoccur in another form (whether it was lesser or larger in importance) or in a completely different form, but which was recognizable as what you've seen or experienced before? Did you ever re-think about something in another context? It's all a circle. Things like these reoccur to teach you some sort of lesson, or show you a certain aspect of the situation that you didn't pay attention to or act on before. Amazing, right? Indeed it is.

Some events have happened to me recently that I didn't want to experience, but I realized that those events had to happen to show me a pattern that I was previously oblivious to. I think that this is where I'm supposed to be right now, and I think i knew that this was going to end up this way for a very long time. Love disintegrates, and is integrated once more until it's in a position that is in unison with time--and that, is when the circle is broken. Thus, it is not our time, and God only knows when it will be or if it will be. Sadly, when we are not together, our feelings will begin to disintegrate from the position that they were in before. They may begin to weaken, but that's how it's supposed to be. You could have done things differently, but who's to say that it wouldn't have ended up like how we are now--apart? Nobody knows. I had to take a chance and escape from your arms. I was beginning to drag, and I realized that you were dragging along with me. And that's when I realized that you couldn't hold me or our relationship up on your own. I would always have to be the motor in the relationship. I would always have to keep us going. I wanted so bad to be both of us, but it seemed almost impossible. It was a huge weight on my back, and I grew tired. Tired of trying. Sad that I felt alone when you would go away for long periods of time, that it seemed as if it was just me in this, all the time. Impatient that the results weren't apparent like how I needed them to be. I needed things that I'm not sure that you could give me. I've been asking for those things for so long, and I never really got them. If I did receive them, they would be like the flash of a camera. They would come so instantly, then they would leave. I would reach out for them, and then when I looked in the palms of my hands, they were gone. We were gone. We were gone.
We are so different, and you're stubborn, and don't want to change. Improvement comes with knowledge of what is the problem, and I'm not sure that you knew, or maybe you knew, but it was too hard for you to improve--it required too much work. But God, I put so much work into our relationship and gave you everything I had in me. I'm not selfish, but I wish sometimes that I were, so you could feel the sting that I felt. So you could see the pain that I felt. So you could feel the weight that was on my shoulders. So you could know. We were drifting away by the second, and you couldn't see it, but I could. I could see it all. And maybe I left a long time ago, when I realized that things couldn't be changed, and when you began to slowly change, it was too late. But you didn't listen. You didn't listen to my cries. You didn't see the sadness in my eyes, when everyone else could see it. You didn't grab a hold of me from the start like how you should have. Maybe you just didn't know what I needed, or you just couldn't give it to me.
...Maybe you'll find someone a little more like you, and who can be more patient with how you "do things differently," and what you believe is right and wrong, than I could/do. Maybe you'll learn and treat her right. And I'll find someone. I'll find someone who won't be afraid to stretch miles and give me the world, and most importantly, himself. I'll find someone..